Many parents describe feeling that they have lost control over their lives after divorce or separation. All the things that you once took for granted around your family are suddenly uncertain. You need to be able to make arrangements for the care and financial provision of your children whilst trying to deal with the emotional fallout of the separation.

Dealing with your emotions not only makes you feel happier and in more control of your life. It also allows you to do the best for your children. If you are in a better emotional state, you are more likely to be able to agree workable arrangements with your child’s other parent.

Pay attention to how you are feeling

• Stop and think about how you are feeling
• Think about the things that are the most difficult to come to terms with
• Use the list of organisations on our links page to learn more about how you and your children are likely to be feeling
• Work out whether you need help to move on from where you are
• Find ways of dealing with the emotional fallout 
  
  

Find ways of reaching agreement

• Try to find ways of communicating with your child’s other parent
• Deal with one issue at a time
• Don’t mix up the issues of care and contact with maintenance – they are different
• Find a way to agree arrangements for care and contact
• Find a way to agree arrangements around maintenance
• Agree that you will put the needs of your children first and not withhold contact or maintenance in order to get what you want – it is your children who will suffer in the long-run 

Your adult relationship may be over, but your children still see you as just mum and dad.